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A TEN-CAMEL WOMAN
ICEBREAKER
For an icebreaker, what I usually like to do is share the story of the day I asked my wife to marry me. Now this turns out to be a lot of fun in my case, because my proposal did not go at all as planned, so it’s kind of a funny story. But even if your proposal story is not necessarily a funny experience, it can still be enjoyable for your class to hear you share a personal and meaningful story from your life. Now I realize that not all of you may have a proposal story, and in that case, let me give you an alternate idea. You could just have a fun discussion about the idea of arranged marriages. And that fits well because the story we’re going to study today is about just that, an arranged marriage. And you know, for most of earth’s history, arranged marriages have been more the norm than the exception. So, it may be kind of fun to discuss what they feel the pros and cons of arranged marriages might be. As for the pros, just think, you wouldn’t have to spend all that money on dating. You could avoid all that social awkwardness of first dates and defining of relationships or the pain of breaking up. Also, if it’s Mom and Dad that are making that decision, they’re probably going to be more rational than emotional in their choice. They would have the benefit of making that decision without all the cloudiness and impulsivity of infatuation. So, arranged marriages could be more economical, more simple, and more practical. However, on the downside, would you really want to spend the rest of your life married to somebody that you didn’t fall in love with? I think that system could certainly produce some rather miserable marriages. But, however you look at it, that can be kind of a fun discussion to have.
TRANSITION
So today, we’re going to study a marriage proposal story. An arranged marriage proposal story. We begin in Genesis 24 where we find Abraham deciding that he needs to find a wife for his son Isaac. And, you know, I guess if you have to have an arranged marriage, having that decision made by an inspired prophet isn’t all that bad of a way to go. Because as President Spencer W. Kimball taught:
"The greatest single factor affecting what you are going to be tomorrow, your activity, your attitudes, your eventual destiny … is the one decision you make … when you ask that individual to be your companion for life. That's the most important decision of your entire life! It isn't where you are going to school, or what lessons you are going to study, or what your major is, or how you are going to make your living. These, though important, are incidental and nothing compared with the important decision that you make when you ask someone to be your companion for eternity"
(The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Edward L. Kimball, ed. [1982], 301).
We don’t want to make that decision lightly. So, in Genesis chapter 24, Abraham, and his servant, are going to teach us a few lessons on marriage. They’ll teach us what to look for in a spouse, where to find them, and what they are worth.
So we’re going to just place those three categories up on the board and write in the lessons we find as we go along. You could also give them this as a handout as well.
SEARCH
I believe it’s probably typical for most people to have a bit of a mental if not actual list of characteristics and qualities they wish to have in a spouse. And on that list, there are probably some non-negotiables for us. This is one of the most important decisions we’ll make in this life after all. There are probably some things that we just won’t do without, and some things that we may be willing to compromise on. For example, for me, I wanted to marry someone with a strong testimony of the restored gospel, someone who was kind, and someone who wanted to have a family. Those were non-negotiables. And then there were things that I felt would be nice but not 100% necessary. The kinds of things that I preferred but could compromise on. Those were things like, do they play a musical instrument, do they like the outdoors, and do they like to travel. And I’m happy to report that my wife Allesha met all of those qualities, so I consider myself very fortunate that I found her and that she found me acceptable. Well, for Abraham here, I want you to read verses 1-4 and tell me what he felt was the number one qualification in a wife for Isaac. What was his biggest non-negotiable?
And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things.
2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: (“hand” according to the JST)
3 And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
What was his number one qualification? Abraham wanted Isaac to marry a covenant spouse. Someone who shared his beliefs and values. He does not want Isaac to marry a Canaanite: the paganistic, idol-worshipping culture of the area, but someone of his own people. Believers in Jehovah. And Abraham was willing to go to great lengths to find one. And it’s true, it would have been much easier to just have found a local Canaanite girl for Isaac to marry. But that’s not going to do it for Abraham. He understood the principle that we learned back in Moses chapter 8, that sons of God, should marry daughters of God.
Whenever I teach this to the youth, I always express to them that I hope they all have a goal and desire to be married within the temple. That’s not to say that two people of different faiths couldn’t get along and have a wonderful marriage, but there is something that only a temple marriage can guarantee. That is the promise of a continuation of that marriage into eternity, if both remain remain faithful. I like to remind them of this prophetic counsel from Gordon B. Hinckley:
“There is no substitute for marrying in the temple. It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t cheat your companion. Don’t shortchange your lives. Marry the right person in the right place at the right time.”
Gordon B. Hinckley
(“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2, emphasis added).
So what’s the number one thing we should look for in a spouse? Are they the kind of person that we can create an eternal marriage with? Do they share our beliefs and values? Can we take them to the temple? Hopefully, that’s a non-negotiable for us.
So off Abraham sends his servant to the land of Haran to find a wife for Isaac amongst his kin. This servant of Abraham’s has a concern though. What’s he worried about? In verse 5.
5 And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?
6 And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.
So the servant is worried that this girl, if she exists, won’t want to come back with him to the land of Canaan. And that’s a very valid concern. This is no small request of a young lady. Just look at where this servant is being sent. Is it just over the next hill or down the river a way? Well, let’s see. Look at verse 10. Where is the servant being sent to find a wife for Isaac?
10 And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
Where’s he going? To the city of Nahor in Mesopotamia. Where is that? This is where the maps at the back of your Bible can come in handy. Go to map #9. Now Nahor is the name of Abraham’s brother, and his city would be found in the area where the rest of Abraham’s family settled after they left Ur. We’re not actually going to find the name Nahor on this map, but I can tell you what it’s close to. A place called Haran. Can you find that name on the map? Here it is up here. And where is Abraham living at this time? Unfortunately the exact name of that place isn’t found on this particular map either, but I can tell you that it was called Hebron. And the closest city to Hebron shown on this map is a place called Beersheba. Can you find that name? It’s right down here. And Hebron would have been right about here. So how far is this servant being asked to travel? If you use the mileage key at the bottom, we can estimate that it’s about 450 to 500 miles. And here we begin to see what finding a covenant spouse is worth. A covenant spouse is worth great effort to obtain. A great journey even. A 500-mile journey. It reminds of a popular song from my youth, “And I walk 500 miles” just to find a covenant spouse. And how many camels does he take with him? Ten. And since the camels are going to play an important part in this story, let’s talk about them for a little bit. Camels average about 3 miles per hour for about 8 hours a day. So we may assume that the trip would have taken about 20 days of travel each way. So the round-trip time, not counting the time in Haran, would have been about 40 days. Not only that, but keep this in mind. This was not an easy journey through innocuous land. Josephus, a Jewish historian described travel through this area like this:
“It requires much time to pass through Mesopotamia, in which it is tedious travelling, both in winter for the depth of the clay, and in summer for want of water; and, besides this, for the robberies there committed, which are not to be avoided by travellers but by caution beforehand”
Josephus
(Antiquities of the Jews, p. 38)
So not only was this a great journey, but a dangerous one as well. A covenant spouse is worth that kind of journey though. Again. This is not a decision that one should make lightly. It is worth expending great effort to find one.
I like something that Brigham Young once said:
“There is not a young man in our community who would not be willing to travel from here to England to be married right, if he understood things as they are; there is not a young woman in our community, who loves the Gospel and wishes its blessings, that would be married in any other way; they would live unmarried until they could be married as they should be, if they lived until they were as old as Sarah before she had Isaac born to her.”
Brigham Young
(Discourses of Brigham Young, p.195 ‑ p.196)
So this servant has got quite a task in front of him, doesn’t he? First, he has to make that journey, and then find a woman, who would be willing to make that same journey all the way back to a strange place to marry a man that she’s never met before. This is going to require a special kind of woman.
THE TEST
Once Abraham’s servant arrives in Haran, he decides to devise a test that he feels will help him to find that special kind of woman for Isaac—a test of character. I mean, he doesn’t want to just ride into town waving gold and silver around and asking if there’s anyone who wants to marry Isaac. And you know, Isaac is a real catch here. He’s a child of the covenant, he’s wealthy, and he’s a future prophet to boot. Whoever passes this test is going to be greatly blessed both spiritually and temporally. So the servant makes a pact with the Lord. He says:
11 And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
12 And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
And, this isn’t just an arbitrary kind of test, or a random sign, but, again, a test of character. This servant wanted to find a woman who would act in a certain way in this kind of circumstance. And keep in mind that nobody in the city knows who he is or what his purpose in being there is. For all they know, he’s just some random traveler stopping to get some water on his way to Ur. And so he stops at the well and asks for a drink. More than likely, there is more than just one woman there at the well. Among them is a young woman named Rebekah. And what does she do? Read the following verses and tell me what they reveal about Rebekah’s character.
15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.
16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
17 And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.
18 And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.
19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.
20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
21 And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.
So what do we know about Rebekah from those verses?
:16 She was very fair to look upon. So she’s beautiful. And I think that’s an important consideration to keep in mind when looking for a spouse. It’s not the MOST important thing, but physical attraction can be a good indicator of compatibility.
:16 We also know from that verse that she is chaste.
And then, by what she does, what do we learn about her?
:18-19 She’s generous, kind, and hospitable. Notice how verse 16 mentions that she went “down” to the well, and filled her pitcher, and then came “up”. Many wells in the Middle East are actually down below the surface and often require a person to descend a number of steps to reach the water, and then bring it back up. So this wasn’t an easy task. This required a going down and back up kind of effort. And the fact that she “hasted” is a further testament of her character. She eagerly served this stranger. She must have been thinking about his comfort and well-being and supposed him to be very thirsty after a long day traveling in the hot Middle Eastern sun. But then that’s not all. For most people, giving this man a drink would have been enough. This was a common courtesy of the day. But Rebekah does more. She goes the extra mile. She does an act of service above and beyond what she’s been asked. And so she offers, unprovoked, to water all his camels. And how many does he have? Ten! Ten camels. How much water can ten camels drink? Answer: A LOT! As much as up to 20 gallons at a time. Multiply that by ten and you can get somewhat of an idea of just how big a task this is for Rebekah. And the scriptures say that she ran back and forth filling and emptying her water pot. She was a hard worker, she was diligent, and she was eager to help. That may explain why the servant “wondering at her, held his peace”.
This was no ordinary young woman. And this wasn’t planned. Rebekah had no ulterior motive here. What the servant was witnessing was an unrehearsed demonstration of her character. She was willing to water all ten camels. If any of you have seen the classic church movie “Johnny Lingo”, you may be familiar with the term “an 8-cow wife”. Well, Rebekah is what I would call a “10-camel woman”. That’s even better than an 8-cow wife. Men, in your search for a covenant spouse, keeps your eyes peeled for those 10-camel women. And women, keep your eyes peeled for those 10 camel men.
Rebekah passed the test, brilliantly.
As you search for your covenant spouse, you may want to do the same kind of thing. You are going to want to watch for certain qualities and reactions to reveal the character of the person you are with. Watch what they do and how they interact with others in seemingly innocuous situations. You might be able to tell a lot about them from those interactions. Personally, I remember dating a certain young woman that I was quite interested in and was going to meet her family for the first time to go watch a movie. And, in my mind, I had a plan, that if all went well, that I was going to show my interest in the relationship by kissing her that night. Well, I went over and, she had a little brother who was not being overly bothersome or anything, but throughout the course of the evening, she was so rude and even mean to her little brother that I thought to myself, I don’t think this match is right for me. If this is how she treats members of her family, then I don’t think I want to pursue this relationship any further. And I didn’t.
Now with my wife Allesha. I remember when I was dating her that we got together with some of her nieces and nephews. And I watched how she was with them. And she was so fun with them, and I remember her running around the basement, playing with them, big smile on her face. And I thought, yes, this is the kind of woman I want to spend my life with. Someone who is pleasant and good with people. She passed my test. Oh, and I’m pretty sure she got a kiss that night.
Well, back to our story.
22 And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;
23 And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?
And we can add to this idea something that happens later in verse 53:
53 And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
We can add another thing to our list of things a covenant spouse is worth. They are worth precious things. More than gold and silver. It reminds me of this great verse from Proverbs:
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10)
Well, Rebekah welcomes the servant and his camels into her father’s house.
And then the servant says something that I love. An answer to our question of where to find a covenant spouse. Where was the servant when he found her, according to verse 27?
27 And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master's brethren.
Where do you find a covenant spouse? In the way. And later in the chapter we get another word to describe that way. Look at verse 48:
48 And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the Lord, and blessed the Lord God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master's brother's daughter unto his son.
Abraham’s servant found Rebekah by being “in the way”, the right way. He followed the path that the Lord had set for him—by being open to the Spirit’s promptings, by being obedient to his master, by being faithful, the blessing came, and he found her.
Well, I believe that’s exactly where we will all find a covenant spouse. By being in the right way, or path. The path of discipleship. Now if we’re not in the way, then there’s no promise. If we consistently place ourselves in the wrong kinds of environments, if we ignore the promptings of the Spirit, if we lead an unworthy lifestyle, then we may find ourselves on our own in the finding a covenant spouse department. This idea of “being in the right way” runs contrary to how most of the people of the world find dating and marriage partners. You’re not likely to find your covenant spouse at the bars, the clubs, and the popular dating apps of the world. You need to get “in the way”. I believe that’s how I was able to find my Rebekah. Now my wife was a real catch, but I don’t think I would have ever found her had I not placed myself “in the right way”. My wife wanted to marry a returned missionary. Well, since I was “in the way” of the Lord and had done so, I was placing myself in a prime position to find her. My wife attended church every week and wanted to marry someone who was an active and faithful member of the church. And, because I was also an active member of my ward, I put myself in a prime position to find her. And, she wanted to marry a man that had a specific number of qualities that she felt were non-negotiable for her. I won’t say what those qualities are but, I feel that because I had spent my youth doing my best to follow the Lord’s standards and commandments that I was able to develop those qualities that attracted her to me. And for her, she had done the same in her youth, which attracted me to her. It worked! The way to find your covenant spouse is always in the Lord’s right way.
Now what if there is someone out there who is advancing in years and still has not encountered their covenant spouse? Or they did marry someone in the right way and things have not turned out well for them. Perhaps that marriage ended in divorce even. And they could say, “Wait a minute Brother Wilcox. I’ve been ‘in the way’ , even” the right way” for years and no covenant spouse has ever appeared for me, or my covenant spouse plans didn’t work out. What gives? I’ve stayed true to my faith. I’ve put myself out there. I’ve prayed and showed diligence. What do you have to say to me?” And to those faithful brothers and sisters I would refer you to the Abraham and Sarah lesson we had last week and the “waiting patiently on the Lord” test. I know that you would probably prefer to have your faithful covenant spouse show up a lot sooner on that path than they seem to be at this point. And I don’t exactly know why the Lord hasn’t answered your prayers in that way yet. I don’t know why that blessing hasn’t appeared. But I do know one thing. I know that my Father in Heaven always keeps his promises, and he has promised, in his scriptures and from the mouths of his servants that there is a covenant spouse for all righteous individuals. It’s guaranteed. I can’t assure you of where they will appear on that path, but I can assure you that they are on it.” You just have to remain “in the way”.
I WILL GO
Back to our story. Now we’re going to get to witness another aspect of Rebekah’s character. She still has one more test to pass before she receives her Isaac. And I’ll just summarize the next part of the story. The servant comes in to speak to Rebekah’s brother Laban and her father Bethuel and he tells them all about Abraham’s prosperity, and how he had a son in his old age, and the test that he devised, and how Rebekah responded to that test. Let’s pick it up in verse 50:
50 Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the Lord: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.
51 Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the Lord hath spoken.
So they come to the same conclusion as Abraham’s servant. This thing is of the Lord. This is God’s will. And therefore, the marriage is arranged. And the very next morning the servant wishes to begin the long journey back to Hebron with Rebekah, but, Rebekah’s brother and mother want her to stay with them for a while longer, at least ten days. But the servant is adamant that he wants to leave right then. Perhaps worried that with time, people’s minds can change? And so they decide to let Rebekah make the choice. Will you go now, or will you wait?
58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
Now I believe that Rebekah’s “I will go” is every bit as powerful and faith filled as Nephi’s, “I will go”. I mean, women, would you be willing to take a dangerous 500-mile journey with a stranger to go marry a man you’ve never met before? To leave your family behind, perhaps forever, and start a new life in a strange land? And to go right then, no waiting. This is a big thing to ask of a young lady. But she does it. Why? I think it’s because she also believes and knows that this thing is “of the Lord”. And so she demonstrates great faith and courage, and a willingness to follow God’s will. She’s not even going to take the ten days to think it over. She will go and do what the Lord has commanded. And therefore, she WILL be greatly blessed for her faith. And she will find love. There is love in these arranged marriages. Look at verse 67
67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death
And then in Genesis 26:8 we have a scene where Isaac is sporting with Rebekah his wife. In some other translations of that verse, the word sporting is translated to laughing, caressing, dancing, or playing with. They genuinely enjoy each other’s company. This was a healthy, flourishing relationship.
TRUTH
So what have Abraham’s servant and Rebekah just taught us? That: A covenant spouse is worth any effort or sacrifice to obtain and can be found “in the way”.
LIKEN THE SCRIPTURES
Are you “in the right way”?
And if you are teaching youth or young adults, you might want to try this activity.
The reason Rebekah eventually ends up marrying and Isaac is because of the type of person she already was. She had developed her character throughout her young life. That’s why she passed the test when it came. And the reason that Isaac eventually ends up marrying a Rebekah is because of the type of person he was, and his father and the servant. Both of these young people were in the right way and were, therefore, brought together by the Lord. I believe that this is a strategy that can work for all, on the Lord’s timetable of course.
So what I have my students do is I ask them to create two lists using this handout. A list of their “non-negotiables” when it comes to a future partner, and a list of their “would-likes”. And then, I ask them if they would like to see a picture of their future spouse. Eagerly they say that they would. And so I tell them that a picture of their future spouse is found in Doctrine and Covenants 88:40.
And this is what that verse says:
40 For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things.
I know that it’s common to hear that opposites attract, but that is not so when it comes to spiritual matters. In the things of the Spirit, likes attract. How is that a picture of their future spouse? Well, whatever kind of person you are, is the kind of person that you will attract to yourself. So if you want to marry a kind, hardworking, diligent, faithful person. Then you be a kind, hardworking, diligent, and faithful person. Perhaps the best thing you can do right now to find a covenant spouse is to actually work on yourself. Create the magnet that will draw the kind of person you want to marry you. So look at your lists. You can consider this your own to do list. If you wish to find these qualities in a partner, then most likely you will need to develop those qualities in yourself first. Then, those qualities will draw a person like that to you through the law of D&C 88:40. Remember, a covenant spouse is worth great effort and sacrifice to obtain.
Now if you’re teaching a group of adults that are already married, perhaps you could ask the following questions instead:
Would anyone like to share their experience in finding their covenant spouse?
What are they “worth” to you?
CONCLUSION
Allow me to conclude by expressing gratitude for my own covenant spouse-my own Rebekah. I’m so grateful for her and the kind of person that she is. And I know, just getting married in the temple doesn’t guarantee bliss or a problem free marriage but I sure think it offers you the best shot. I know the only reason that I was able to find my own Rebekah was because I was “in the way” and she was “in the way”. And although we don’t believe in soul mates, in that sense, it was God that brought us together and I frequently thank my Heavenly Father for that and her.
Now, there are some additional principles regarding covenant spouses that we’ll take a look at in the story of Jacob and the love of his life, Rachel. But before that, let’s take a look at the relationship between him and his brother Esau.
CRYING ESAU’S TEARS
ICEBREAKER
Now For an icebreaker, I’ll often invite a student to the front of the classroom to make a deal with me. And then I bring out two different objects and place them in front of them. One of the objects is a full-size candy bar. The other object is a piece of paper. On the paper is written the words “In exactly six months, I owe you a bag of candy bars”. Then I ask them to make a choice. Which of the objects would they like to take, but they can only choose one. Now regardless of which they choose, you can say that life is full of just such choices. Where you can choose something smaller that benefits you now, or you can choose something bigger and better that only comes after time and effort. Some examples of this. Health conditions often follow this principle. What tastes good and is enjoyable now will often do no favors to our health, but what is hard to do right now, like control our food cravings and exercising will pay off in the long run. Cheating or lying now may pay off in the short run, but honesty is what will create trust and value in the future. Laziness will often pay off in the short term, but it is only hard work that produces results in time to come. avoid
SEARCH
Now read the following story in Genesis 25:29-34 and tell me which option you feel Esau would take if he were in this situation and why.
Here’s the story:
29 And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:
30 And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom.
31 And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright.
32 And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?
33 And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob.
34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.
I think that most would agree that Esau would be the type of person that would take the candy bar now. In that moment he doesn’t really stop to consider the long-term effects of his decision. Apparently, he cared more about eating food than he did about his birthright.
Now what is a birthright. Look up that term in the Bible Dictionary for some help. There it says:
Under the patriarchal order, the right or inheritance of the firstborn is known as birthright. This generally included a land inheritance as well as the authority to preside. The firstborn of flocks and of human families was considered as belonging to the Lord and was expected to be dedicated to Him.
Well, Esau wasn’t really dedicated to the Lord at this point in his life. He despises his birthright. He doesn’t really care that much about it, therefore explaining his decision to sell it for a mess of pottage.
But before we go into too much more detail about this story, lets introduce you a little better to these two brothers. Both we and their mother Rebekah learn something about the future of these two boys even before they’re born. What do we discover about them in Genesis 25:21-23?
21 And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.
22 And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the Lord.
(See, another great indication of Rebekah’s character. She goes to the Lord for help and guidance. And he speaks to her)
23 And the Lord said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.
So right from the get-go, Rebekah knows that it is the younger brother that will be the leader of the family. He will be the birthright son.
24 And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.
25 And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.
Interesting. I wonder how that would have been like to see Esau for the first time. Perhaps like this? I don’t know. Ah, poor Esau. But anyway.
26 And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.
27 And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.
And then we have the story that we started this part of the lesson with. The part when Esau sells his birthright.
Now some might accuse Jacob of taking advantage of the situation. Is he tricking Esau out of his birthright? Blackmailing him? I don’t think so. I think Jacob knew something about his older brother and this was perhaps his way of obtaining something that should already have rightfully been his. Plus, I’m not willing to take Esau at his word here. I think him saying that he is about to die is probably an exaggeration. You know, how somebody nowadays might say, “I’m dying of hunger”. I doubt Esau is really at the point of death. I mean it can take weeks to die of hunger. And you do get the feeling throughout the story that Esau is somewhat impulsive—a leap before you look kind of individual.
On top of that, Esau does something later that gives you an indication that he really doesn’t care much about the birthright, or spiritual things, or the good will of his parents. What does he do in Genesis 26:34-35 that is further evidence that he just doesn’t care much about those kinds of things?
34 And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:
35 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah.
He marries outside the covenant. Even when he knows that this is grievous to his parents. The sacred blessings and responsibilities of the Abrahamic covenant could not be passed on through the unbelieving Canaanites. Isaac and Rebekah want him to marry someone of their faith, not the pagan peoples around them. Remember our previous principle? The lengths Abraham went to secure a covenant marriage for his son? Esau doesn’t seem to care about any of that. Again. Impulsive. I like these girls, I want to marry them, who cares what Mom and Dad think.
So this is an indication of what I would call the Esau attitude.
He despises his birthright.
LIKEN THE SCRIPTURES
Now let’s pause for a moment here and liken the scriptures to ourselves a little deeper.
What is our birthright? Our birthright is the blessings of the restored gospel. All those blessings of the Abrahamic covenant that we discussed a few weeks ago. Temples, scripture, living prophets, our knowledge of the plan of salvation, the Book of Mormon, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, church meetings, the priesthood, and on and on. And yet, how do some people in the church feel about that birthright? Sadly, some don’t place a very high value on those tremendous blessings. Some may even outright despise this birthright. They can’t stand church, they don’t want to study scripture, they hate the standards, and sometimes wish they were never born into the church. And, just like Esau here, I don’t think they’re bad people, just foolish, deceived, or impulsive. And at this point as a teacher, I always like to make this connection, because in every single one of my classes I know I have some Esau’s. The students that don’t want to be there. The ones that don’t really like church or are apathetic to the things of the gospel. Which is often a grief of mind to their parents. So as a teacher I like to lovingly say, that if there is anyone in the class who feels that way about the gospel, who have a little of the Esau attitude in their heart, to listen to the rest of the story very carefully. There is a real danger to despising our birthright. Heed the warning of Esau’s life before you go too far down the road that he took.
Well what did Esau do? He sold his birthright for a mess of pottage. He made a pottage decision. Pottage decisions are the kind of decisions you make when you give up something of great value in the future for something of little value that you want right now. We sell our precious birthright for more immediate or temporal concerns. This causes us to make pottage decisions. We give up precious blessings for immediate desires.
What are some examples of pottage decisions?
It’s when the young man or young woman give up their virtue or chastity because they want to please a girlfriend or a boyfriend right now.
It’s when we forfeit the spirit and our peace of mind to dabble in pornography.
It’s when the young man gives up his opportunity to serve a full-time mission for some professional, romantic, or educational opportunity that he wants right now.
It’s when we forfeit the rewards of hard work to wallow in slothfulness and excessive passive entertainment.
It’s when, like Esau, we marry outside the covenant.
And overall, it’s when we give up the blessings of the temple and eternal life for some indulgence we wish to enjoy right now.
Now, when we initially make those decisions, we may not worry about them that much. We may not even care. On that day, when Esau was gulping down his lentil soup, I don’t think he worried too much about his birthright at all.
But eventually, Esau’s attitude towards all of this is going to change. When it comes time to receive a blessing from his father, something is going to happen that will change his mind.
So let’s finish the principle. If I despise my birthright, it will often lead me to make “pottage decisions”, then . . . How would you finish that statement based on the rest of the story.
And here, for the sake of the length of the video, I’m going to assume that you have read Genesis chapter 27 in its entirety. How would you conclude the principle after reading that?
You might conclude it in any number of ways. Then I will lose blessings, OR I will shed tears of regret.
And that scene when Esau realizes what he’s lost is really heartbreaking. You really feel his anguish. You feel sorry for him. Even though he kind of had it coming, it hurts to hear his pleas.
34 And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even me also, O my father.
38 And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept.
When we despise our birthright and make pottage decisions, we will often eventually cry Esau’s tears. And sometimes those blessings can never be restored. I’ve seen those tears before. Tears shed over lost opportunities. Tears shed over broken relationships. Tears shed over blessings that people see others enjoy that they want to have too, but have forfeited through pottage decisions. Some people have come to me as their bishop and, in a way, have cried “Bless me, even me also, Bishop.” And really, there is only so much I can do for them. And I say in my heart, with great love and sympathy, “What shall I do now unto thee, my son, or my daughter?” And I want to fix their problems, I want to give them the blessings that they desire. But it’s not always possible.
Now Esau still does receive a blessing from Isaac. He is blessed. And I believe that anyone who turns to God at those bitter moments, will also receive help and support from a loving Heavenly Father. And some things, even He can’t fix. Sometimes, what’s done is done. But that doesn’t mean that our future has to be doomed by those decisions either. And you’ll see, that this is not the end of Esau’s story. Don’t abandon your hope for him just yet. We’ll study another story about Esau next week that can offer all of us great hope.
So what is our big principle today?
TRUTH
IF I despise my birthright, AND make pottage decisions, THEN I will lose blessings and cry bitter tears.
LIKEN THE SCRIPTURES
What can you do to show God that you value your birthright?
Is there any “pottage” you need to get rid of in your life right now?
What can you do to let it go?
CONCLUSION
Well my friends, I don’t want any of you to ever shed Esau’s tears. Instead, please, value and honor your birthright! The pottage of the world just isn’t worth it. It may seem like it now, that candy bar may be very tempting, and yes, it will taste good, but before you do, think about what you may be giving up. Don’t sell out! The Lord will bless you as you place the proper value on the goods of heaven. Forget the pottage, and enjoy the blessings!
DECEITFUL JACOB?
One quick note. Some have asked me about Rebekah and Jacob’s deceit in this story. How do we justify or explain them tricking Isaac into thinking that Jacob was Esau? Did Jacob really steal his brother’s blessing and birthright? Here are just a few thoughts to consider on that question.
One explanation could be that we don’t have the full story. The Bible narrative, we know, is full of holes and there may be some key information we’re missing here.
Also, Isaac, was not a perfect individual. Even prophets are subject to human error and fallibility. Perhaps there is a little bit of favoritism here in Isaac for Esau over Jacob, which may be coloring his judgment at this time. Rebekah knew, before those two boys were even born that the blessing was supposed to go to Jacob all along and I’m sure she told that to Isaac. But perhaps even he is a little caught up in the firstborn tradition, rather than giving the birthright to the most deserving. This could be a way that the Lord is teaching a lesson to Isaac too.
Also, Jacob may have deceived Isaac, but did he deceive the Lord? I don’t think so. You can’t steal a blessing from someone. The right brother got the right blessing. The birthright and its accompanying leadership responsibilities was to go to a son that was dedicated to the Lord. That was Jacob. I think Isaac realized this after the blessing was given and he doesn’t deny it’s authenticity. In fact, immediately after in Genesis 27:33 he says, “Yea, and he shall be blessed”. He knew it was the right thing.
Also, consider the blessing that Isaac gives to Jacob in the very next chapter. In 28:1-4. And here he knows full well who he is blessing, and it echoes the previous blessing.
So don’t get too caught up in that aspect of the story. If we do, we might miss the overall more important message of Esau’s life that we already discussed.
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