Genesis 28-33

Watch the video presentation on YouTube at: Genesis 28-33

To purchase slides or handouts, go to: Teaching with Power Etsy Shop NOTE You may wonder why I don’t mention Jacob’s dream of the stairway to heaven at Bethel this week. That’s because we already covered most of Genesis 28 a few weeks ago when we compared Jacob’s vision of the stairway to heaven to the Tower of Babel story. So I encourage you to go back to the Genesis 6-11 lesson if you want to cover those verses. REAL LOVE, FALSE LOVE ICEBREAKER But to get us going this week, as an icebreaker, I like to ask my students the following question: How do you know when you’re in love? If you’re teaching the youth, you may even consider showing this short YouTube clip of the top 10 Disney “Love at first sight” moments. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BXh5maLSqc) Now it doesn’t matter if you are teaching youth or adults, this usually makes for a fun discussion. But as they give their answers, I divide them up into two different lists-because I believe that there are actually two different forms or parts of love. You have “love” the feeling, and you have “love” the action. “Love” the noun, and “love”, the verb. Or, another way to put it is to make a distinction between affection and real love. And so on the one side, when they say things like, your heart starts racing, you can’t stop thinking about them, staring at them with googly eyes, excitement, holding hands, kissing, even sexual intimacy, all these things are a part of the affection side of love. Love the feeling. Love the noun. And that’s not a bad thing, at all. Affection is a wonderful part of love and can often be the catalyst that leads to relationships of real love or helps real love to flourish and endure. But when your students say things like sacrifice, spending time with, working through problems together, compromise, serving each other, those are kinds of things that I would put on the other list. Then, after they’ve made a number of comments, you can explain why you divided their answers up into the two lists and label them “affection” and “love”. Now there are lots of different things your students might say in response to your question, so as a teacher you’ll have to use your judgment in deciding which list each comment falls under. But after a few minutes of sharing, you can explain why you made the two lists and the difference between the two types of love. Perhaps the most eloquent explanation I’ve heard about this distinction comes from C.S. Lewis. Here’s how he described it. “Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called "being in love" usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married," then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be "in love“ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense—love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both parents ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love" with someone else. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it. C. S. Lewis "Mere Christianity, 99" I feel it’s important for all, especially the youth, to understand this distinction because the adversary has deceived many a person by convincing them that love is merely a feeling. He wants people to think that all love is affection, and all affection is love. And you can probably guess why. If love is only a feeling, and intense feelings don’t last forever, like C.S. Lewis taught us, then what is likely to happen to those relationships? They won’t last either. And that’s a serious problem for a religion that believes in eternal marriages and families. Relationships that last are very important in our faith and a great source of happiness and peace. And Satan wishes to do everything he can to destroy those bonds and the happiness they bring. And so, when sufficient time has passed, we may conclude, “Wow, why don’t I feel the same way about this person that I once did? My feelings are not as intense. I don’t feel the same passion and attraction for them that I did when we first met. I guess I don’t love them anymore. I suppose I need to go out and find somebody else that makes me feel that way.” Which, they usually can. And therefore, many people go through life jumping from relationship to relationship or marriage to marriage, sadly never actually experiencing real love. They have only felt affection, which is really tragic. Broken covenants, broken marriages, broken families, and broken societies can all stem from a lack of understanding of true or real love. TRANSITION So today we’re going to take a look at two different “love” stories that illustrate this principle. We’ll study two different couples and decide whether they are an example of real love or false love. Our two couples are Shechem and Dinah, and Jacob and Rachel. And we’ll start with the Shechem and Dinah story. Now I know, this story appears in Genesis chapter 34, so not really a part of this week’s scripture block, but the comparison and contrast are so perfect that I really felt it fits better with this week’s lesson. SHECHEM AND DINAH-WEASEL WORDS To introduce the Shechem and Dinah story, I like to help my students understand the concept of weasel words. That’s a term coined by Teddy Roosevelt. Weasel words are words that suck out the meaning of all the words around them, like a weasel sucks all the contents of an egg out leaving only the shell behind. He used the term when his political opponents proposed what they called a “universal voluntary draft”. What’s the weasel word? Draft. If you know what a draft is, you know that it’s anything but voluntary. Weasel words are particularly popular in advertising. Maybe you’ve heard some of these phrases before. Ever heard a product described as “New and improved”. Well, what’s that supposed to mean? How can something be both new and improved at the same time. If it’s new, it hasn’t had a chance to become improved yet. Sometimes a product touts that it has been clinically tested. Ok. But what was proven or concluded? What did the tests reveal? Was it good or bad? Does the product really work as claimed? The fact that it’s only been tested doesn’t really tell me anything about the product itself. I’ve heard commercials telling me that “there is more goodness in every bite” of some particular food. How do you measure goodness? What does that goodness consist of? Isn’t that a relative term? And I love it when I hear that “more people than ever” are using a certain product. What does that mean in terms of real numbers. Maybe there were only two people using it before and now there are three. More people than ever are using it then, right? Well let’s apply that same idea to this story of Shechem and Dinah. Look in the following verses for all the words that describe the way that Shechem felt about Jacob’s daughter Dinah. Look in verses 3, 8, and 19. How is it described? His soul clave unto Dinah. He loved the damsel. He spake kindly to her In verse 8, we learn that the soul of Shechem “longed for” Dinah. And from verse 19 “he had delight in Jacob’s daughter”. Now at first glance, this looks like a positive relationship. It sounds genuine. BUT. We haven’t read verse 2 yet. There is a weasel word in there that sucks the meaning out of all the others we’ve just taken a look at. Can you find it? 2 And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her [Dinah], he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. What’s the weasel word? Defiled. This is not really a love story. It doesn’t matter how nice and positive he describes his feelings for her after this initial action. I have no doubt that Shechem was attracted to Dinah, but he didn’t really love her. The way that relationship is introduced seems so devoid of meaning and emotion. It’s just matter of fact. He saw, he took, he defiled. And we see no indication of Dinah’s consent or interest in this relationship. And I want to be clear in saying that I don’t see any wrongdoing attributed to her in this story. She does absolutely nothing wrong as far as I can tell. The blame falls squarely on Shechem’s shoulders. So anyone who has been the victim of this kind of tragic circumstance need not feel any guilt, impurity, or responsibility. They remain just as morally clean as anybody else. In fact, her brothers describe their abhorrence of this situation by saying “And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?” Now they do something very, very wrong, and dreadful themselves in reaction to this situation at the end of the chapter. Perhaps we’ll take a look at that story next week—but based on this apparent intense and quick rush to sexual intimacy, what would you say Shechem was really feeling for Dinah? This isn’t a love story at all. It’s a lust story. Lust is Satan’s counterfeit for love. Many a sexual sin has been excused in the name of love, which is unfortunate. Because, usually, love has nothing to do with it. Oftentimes, when people have given in to fornication or adultery, they try to justify it by saying “but we’re in love”. That, I believe, is a lie. And we need go no further than Romans 13:10 to discover why. This verse contains the best definition of love that I’ve ever encountered. It says: 10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. So how do we know if our actions are truly motivated by love? Only if they work no ill. So I would confront Shechem by asking, “So, you really love Dinah, do you? Does love defile or force someone else? No. That would be working ill. What you were feeling for Dinah was not love.” Other questions we might consider: Does love fill a soul with guilt? Does love close the doors of the temple on a couple? Does love have to coerce the other person into doing something they don’t want to do? Does love intentionally hurt the other person, either emotionally or physically? Does love make us feel unworthy? Does love break up homes? Does love take children from a parent? No, love does none of these things because love worketh no ill. So if our actions are causing these kinds of results, we can know that what we’re feeling or what someone else claims they are feeling for us is not really love. At best, it’s merely affection, and at worst, lust. If anyone ever tries to push you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable doing by pleading ,“But don’t you love me?” Run! Because rest assured that that person does not love you. The world has a lie that it has been selling for decades through the media. A devilish doctrine that is continually preached from the screens and magazine pages of our modern Babylon. You find this message in movies, in books, in television programs, even in commercials. And I’m pretty sure we all know what it is. What is the message sent, even if it’s not explicit or graphic, about what unmarried people do when they are in love with each other to show that they are really in love. And, pardon my directness. They have sex. They become intimate with each other. The world says THAT is how you show love. THAT is how the relationship is strengthened. But it’s a lie. When people take that most sacred and personal of unions, which is a beautiful and unifying thing within the bonds of the long-term commitment of marriage preceding it, and cheapen it with casualness or haste, I believe that it more often than not weakens the relationship or eventually even destroys the bond between those two people. I’ve even seen statistics that show this is the case. I like this quote from Gordon B. Hinckley who is also quoting elder John A. Widtsoe “I heard Elder John A. Widtsoe … say, ‘It is my observation that a young man and a young woman who violate the principles of morality soon end up hating one another.’ I have observed the same thing. There may be words of love to begin with, but there will be words of anger and bitterness later” Gordon B. Hinckley and John A. Widtsoe (“True to the Faith,” Ensign, June 1996, 5). The story of Shechem and Dinah is a good illustration of this false kind of love that destroys rather than builds. Regardless of his kind words and loving overtures afterwards. BUT, you just don’t defile what you love. THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE STORY IN GENESIS Now that was one of the most unromantic “love” stories in the book of Genesis. But now let’s take a look at different couple. Let’s compare and contrast the story of Shechem and Dinah, with the story of Jacob and Rachel. We find their story in Genesis 29. But let me give you a little background first. Last week we studied the story of Jacob receiving the blessing that Esau thought he was supposed to get. This makes Esau very angry with Jacob and he vows to kill him. So Rebekah encourages him to leave and to go to Haran. But that’s not the only reason he leaves. The purpose of this journey is two-fold. Before he goes, Isaac instructs him to go to Rebekah’s brother Laban to see if he might be able to marry one of his daughters. So Jacob leaves and makes that same 500-mile journey that we talked about last week and eventually arrives at the fields of Laban. Remember, the worth of a covenant spouse is great. Once there, he meets a group of men surrounding a well with a stone on top of it. He finds out that he’s in the right place and they tell him that Laban’s daughter Rachel is on her way to the well at that very moment to water her sheep. So let’s pick up the story in verse 9. 9 And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep; for she kept them. 10 And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother. And what an interesting parallel to the way that Isaac found Rebekah. It was also at a well of water. So I sometimes tell my students that if they want to find the best potential mates, to hang out by the water fountain, because that’s where they apparently like to spend their time. And when Jacob sees Rachel for the first time, he’s instantly smitten and reacts like a lot of young men do around girls they are interested in. They tend to show off a little bit. So he’s like “pardon me little lady, but allow me to remove that stone. Heeyaah.” And Rachel’s like “Oooh, you’re so strong”. So, slick move Jacob. But then he goes and blows it in the next verse. 11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, Woah, that’s a little forward don’t you think? You know, slow down there Jacob. But really, this is probably more of a kiss of greeting, a common tradition in that area. and lifted up his voice, and wept. So then he starts crying in front of her. Boo hoo hoo, it’s so nice to meet you, boo hoo, you’re so beautiful. Probably not the best dating strategy, guys. But, apparently, in this case, it’s ok because Rachel seems to be interested in him too. Plus, that’s how you feel when you meet a covenant righteous potential spouse. It’s cause to rejoice and celebrate with deep emotion. Let’s continue: 12 And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's brother, and that he was Rebekah's son: and she ran and told her father. 13 And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, (see, further proof that that initial kiss was a customary kiss of greeting) and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things. 14 And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month. 15 And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be? 16 And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. 18 And Jacob loved Rachel; So there we have that loaded word again. He loved her. Now, he’s just met her, so we can probably assume that he’s feeling some attraction here. So are we just anticipating another Shechem situation here? Let’s see. Now read verses 18-20 and tell me if this is an example of true love or false love that Jacob is feeling. And how would you support your answer? 18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. 19 And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me. 20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; (and then this sweet little phrase here) and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. And here you pause for all the female students to go “Awwwwwww”. I mean that’s got to be one of the most romantic verses in all scripture. Is this true love. I would say yes. This is an example of real love. This is more than just affection. What does he do that shows he truly loves her? He waits and serves. True love waits and serves, as opposed to the false love of Shechem, that takes and defiles. And seven years. Wow. That’s a long time to court someone. But it hardly seems like a sacrifice to Jacob at all because of how much he loves her. Where the world promotes a rush to sexual intimacy, Jacob knew the value of this relationship and was willing to wait. And just imagine what that waiting and serving must have done for their relationship. How do you think it made Rachel feel to see Jacob out there working day after day just for the privilege of marrying her. How affirming. How beautiful. And when they finally could be together as husband and wife, that bond of strength and unity was already forged by years of service and sacrifice. Sometimes I like to tell the young men and women that they can do the same thing as Jacob and Rachel here. As teenagers, they can start working for their Rachel or their Jacob. It probably will also be around seven years of waiting and serving. They probably haven’t even met them yet, but they’re out there. So wait and serve for the privilege of marrying that individual. Don’t settle for anything less. Don’t rush into superficial relationships. Wait for your Rachel, wait for your Jacob. Wait until you meet the kind of man or woman that was and is willing to wait and serve for you. Alma taught his son the true way to increase love as opposed to the world’s promotion of a rush to relations. 12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness. So what word did he use to describe what we should we do with our physical passions? Bridle them. Control them as opposed to letting them run wild or have their way. And the result? That ye may be filled with love, real love. The reason we put bridles on horses is not because they're terrible wicked animals that need to be destroyed. Our physical passions are not innately wicked. In fact, they were placed there by God to accomplish his divine purposes: to bring children into this world, and to bring spouses closer together. So if we wish to increase love, build love, strengthen love. Then we need to do what Jacob and Rachel do here in this story. Bridle, control, wait, serve until the right time, place, and circumstance. Now what about married couples. Can this story apply to us too? Yes! You bet. Do we stop bridling passions and serving just because we’re married? No. True love continues to do those things. We still have to bridle passions that may arise as life continues. A person may find themselves physically attracted to somebody else even when they’re married. Those passions have to be bridled. And we should never stop serving our spouses. That’s a huge part of the definition of “Love the verb”. I believe that when couples fall “out of love” it’s often because one or both has stopped serving the other. In fact that might be a better word than love to describe what spouses do for one another. Serve them! When we stop serving our partners, love begins to die. And Jacob does this! We’ll look at the circumstances behind why in just a minute, but Jacob does end up serving another seven years for Rachel, after he’s married to her. The service didn’t stop once they were married. TRUTH Real love waits and serves, while false love takes and defiles. LIKEN THE SCRIPTURES What can you do now to fill your life with more real love? Wait and serve until you meet your Rachel/Jacob. Show more love for your spouse by serving them. End a relationship that’s not based on real love. Seek God’s help in bridling your passions. Other: ________________________________ HANDOUT ACTIVITY If I have time, sometimes I like to do a little activity with my students during this lesson. I have them create their own “Real Love, False Love” statement. You could do it as a handout. I encourage them to fill in their own statement about real and false love and turn it in. We then go through and read them out loud. Over the years I’ve collected a number of really good ones. Here are a few examples: Real love gets better with time False love gets old.   Real love grows in the light. False love grows in the darkness. Real love savors eternity. False love savors the moment. Real love is generous, False love is self-centered. Real love needs no confession, False love needs an explanation. Real love is hard but worth it, False love is easy, but not. Real love loves you, False love loves itself. Aren’t those great?! I’m sure your students will come up with some powerful ones as well. CONCLUSION Well I hope that your life is filled with love. Real love. And affection as well of course. May you young men find your Rachel’s, and may you young women find your Jacob’s and live your lives deeply and consistently in real love. And in your marriages, may you find that deep unity, maintained by the will, deliberately strengthened by habit, and reinforced by God’s grace that C.S. Lewis spoke of. If you’re teaching the youth, this can be a really good time to review the dating standards in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. Testify to them of the power of following the Lord’s plan for love in their life. It’s very simple. Don’t date until you are 16. Date only those with whom you can maintain your standards. Do not have serious relationships until you are of an age that you ready to be married. Once you are at that age and do enter a serious relationship, remain sexually pure with your partner. Bridle your passions for each other. And once you are married, be completely loyal to that person for eternity. Don’t fall into the “rush to relationships” trap. Sometimes amongst young people, it seems like having relationships is like a race. Everybody is rushing to pair off. Well, if it is a race, then it’s the first ones across the finish line that are the losers. Instead, bridle your passions and you will see how filled with love your life can be. Wait. Like Jacob and Rachel did, and someday you will meet that person who you wish to spend eternity with. You will make sacred covenants to them in a holy place, and you will have the opportunity to experience all the joys and challenges and blessings that come with real love. That’s the Lord’s plan for love. I can personally testify that it works. I didn’t always believe it when I was a teenager, but I trusted in that plan. And one day, I met my Rachel, and I am so glad that I waited and served for her. She was and is worth it. My life, as Alma promised, is filled with love. The love that I feel for Allesha AND, through that special and sacred intimate relationship that husbands and wives share, Caleb came into my life, then Braden, then Avery, then Seth. With each child, my opportunity and capacity to love has only grown exponentially. The Lord’s plan works! Don’t do anything that might forfeit that. Be a Jacob. Be a Rachel. Not a Shechem. And married couples, continue to bridle and serve for your spouses. I’m certain that any marriage where both partners continue to do those two things will be happy and eternal in nature. PUTTING THE “FUN” IN DYS-“FUN”-CTIONAL Now. As wonderful and exciting as falling in love, and dating, and marriage is—there is still reality to consider here. Marriage and family life is not all bliss and sunshine and roses. All marriages and families face challenges and difficulties. We’re going to see that even with Jacob and Rachel’s romantic and inspiring start. Their marriage relationship is going to encounter some real testing right from the get-go. I know I’ve already expressed that Genesis is an important book for families. It’s full of examples of marriages and families with problems and challenges. Dysfunctional may even be the modern word we might use to describe some of them. For an icebreaker activity, see if you can match the family from Genesis with the challenges they face. From what you know about them, what adversities do you see them encounter? Some challenges have more than one answer. And I think this activity can quickly help us to realize just how relevant this ancient book of scripture is to our modern families. These people have a lot to teach us.

Family Challenges Parenting a wayward child Contention between siblings Infertility Separation/Divorce Raising children as a single parent Living with a spouse that doesn’t seem to love you Trying to raise children in a wicked environment Trouble with In-laws Death of a spouse Families and Individuals Adam and Eve Cain and Abel Noah and his wife Lot and his wife Abraham and Sarah Abraham and Hagar Isaac and Ishmael Isaac and Rebekah Jacob and Rachel and Leah Jacob and Esau Joseph and his Brothers

I’m sure it’s possible that I may be missing something in my answers here, but here are some possible connections we can make.

For parenting a wayward child you have Adam and Eve that experience this, Lot and his wife, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, they all have children with problems. And these are great parents. Having wayward children doesn’t make you a bad parent. It’s a challenge that many righteous parents have.

Contention between siblings. Lots of this in Genesis. Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, Rachel and Leah, Joseph and his brothers. Lots of sibling rivalries in Genesis.

Infertility: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel. All will face this challenge.

Separation/Divorce: Abraham and Hagar will experience this.

Raising children as a single parent. We talked about this a few weeks ago. Hagar is going to face that challenge.

Living with a spouse that doesn’t seem to love you. Leah has that kind of marriage. We’ll talk more about her later.

Trying to raise children in a wicked environment. Now, I guess they all could fit into that category, but more particularly, Noah and Lot and their wives come to mind.

Trouble with In-Laws: Jacob is really good example with that challenge as we see him interact with Laban, Rachel and Leah’s father.

Death of a Spouse. Abraham loses Sarah, Lot loses his wife, and Jacob loses Rachel.

Now, can you or your families relate to any of those problems that are listed there? I can imagine that most families are going to face at least one if not multiple things on that list. Genesis covers a lot of different kinds of family relationships and troubles. Therefore, we can all learn something about facing family challenges from this book. I invite you to look for those lessons as you study it.

THE PROBLEMS

For this week, let’s zero in on some of the family problems that Jacob is going to face, AND, some of the solutions that we can find in these chapters. First, the problems.

SEARCH

One of the major sources, if not THE major source of the problems that Jacob is going to face in his family life is going to stem from what happens in Genesis 29:21-30. Read those verses and tell me, in one word, what you would identify as the problem.

And what is it? I would answer: Deceit. The deceit of Laban here, is going to cause a lot of future problems for this family. Jacob has worked for seven years to marry Rachel. He loves Rachel. And so the day of the wedding arrives, and Laban surreptitiously gives him Leah on the honeymoon night, instead of Rachel. And I don’t quite know how to explain that situation. Veiled faces? It was dark in the tent? I don’t know. But verse 25:

25 And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?

Now, to be fair, there is just a bit of poetic justice in this situation. Now Jacob knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a deceit where someone pretends to be somebody else, like he did in impersonating Esau. Maybe not quite the same thing, but similar. Now Jacob is going to marry Rachel. Verse 30:

30 And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.

But, Jacob never intended to work for Leah. This deceit is going to set up all the problems we’ll see between Jacob and Rachel and Leah in the coming chapters. And that problem is going to continue through their children. That situation is going to set up the Joseph story as that rivalry between the children of those two sisters is eventually going to lead them to sell Joseph into Egypt.

Now who do you blame most for this situation? In my mind, I blame Laban. In his enthusiasm to marry off his daughters, he sets them all up for trouble. Do you blame Jacob for this? No. Of course he loves Rachel more than Leah. She’s the love of his life. He’ll work fourteen years for her. You can’t force love. Do you blame Leah? No. At least not as much as Laban. We don’t know how much say she had in this thing, but I guess she was at least willing to go along with it. But I really feel sorry for her. How would it feel to know that your husband was tricked into marrying you. And then you feel bad for Rachel. I’m sure she doesn’t want to share her husband with her sister. Would you? So, the problem is deceit.

Lying and deceit will always be a source of problems within families. So spouses, be honest with your partners. Don’t hide things from each other. Don’t tell lies. And children, be honest with your parents. Don’t hide things from them. Tell the truth. Siblings, be honest with each other. The more deceit we that have in families, the more contention there will be.

Now read 29:31-35 to find the problem that the initial problem of Laban’s deceit sets up.

31 And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, (and that’s a bad translation. Less favored would probably be a more accurate term. And that makes sense. He’s not in love with Leah)

he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.

32 And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.

Ahhh. Isn’t that heartbreaking? I do really feel for Leah here. She’s in a loveless marriage. And, I think there are a lot of Leah’s out there in the world. For whatever reason, and these relationships may have started out with passion and love, but there are many spouses out there who don’t feel that connection or appreciation from their partners. And that’s hard. That’s a huge challenge. So Leah is going to struggle and hope for that attention from Jacob. And perhaps, instead of trying to get the passion that he feels for Rachel from Jacob, she hopes to at least get his appreciation by bearing children with him.

And this is where we start what I call, the baby derby. The sisters and their handmaids, who Jacob also marries begin to bear children. And it’s almost like a competition between the two.

Now I’m not going to take the time to go through all the births and names of the children, but I invite you to do so. Read chapter 29:31-35 and 30:1-24 for that story. But be sure to take note of what the boys names mean. It’s really sad. Their names reflect the conflict within the family. Just a few examples:

Reuben means, “Look, a son”. Or, look Jacob, I’ve born you a son, now, love me.

Naphtali means “wrestling”. That’s a sad one. Rachel says, “With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed.”

Gad means “a troop”. Which was Leah’s way of saying. Look Rachel, at my troop of six children I’ve born for Jacob, beat that.

And it kind of goes on like that through all the children.

Now Leah is going to win the baby derby in the end. She will have nine children compared to Rachel’s three. But what’s the problem here? What’s going on between these two sisters? Competition. The spirit of competition will always cause conflict and difficulties within families. Whether that rivalry comes between spouses or siblings, it can be the source of great trouble. I work harder than you. You’re not doing enough. I make more money for the family. I’m prettier, more athletic, smarter than you. The spirit of comparing and competition can really hamper happiness within a family.

And this really is a sad situation. It’s tough on Jacob, it’s tough on Leah, it’s tough on Rachel. And really, it is Laban’s fault. Sometimes, the challenging circumstances we face as families come through no fault of our own. Disease, accidents, financial stress, the actions of in-laws, environmental factors, victimization from others—all of these things can cause real complications for relationships. So what’s a family to do?!

THE SOLUTIONS

Let’s talk solutions now. The scriptures never present problems without solutions. I can see some things within these chapters that can help us face these kinds of family challenges. Now some of the solutions are implied from the problems. And we’ve already discussed some of those.

1. Be honest with each other. We’ve learned that deceit can cause major problems within families.

2. Don’t get caught up in the spirit of competition. What can we do instead. I think the implied solution between Rachel and Leah would be empathy. Have empathy for the struggles and desires of our family members. Don’t rub their problems or shortcomings in their faces. If you have a gift or success that they lack, be compassionate and understanding with that. Take a quick look at chapter 30:1. And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister. I mean we feel bad for Rachel. She wants to have children and can’t. But then, don’t you want to say: But Rachel, your sister envies you too! Don’t you think she feels bad in this situation too? She envies the kind of relationship that you share with Jacob. She just wants to be loved like that as well. And then to Leah, you want to say, “Can’t you see how hard this is for Rachel?” Being able to have all these children with Jacob should not be something you lord over her and boast of. I think this problem between the sisters could have been better dealt with if each were a bit more willing to be empathetic with the other. Rachel could have recognized how hard this must have been for her sister to be married to a man that never really intended to marry her, and Leah could have recognized how hard it must have been for her sister not to be able to have children. I think empathy and understanding can go a long way in helping to resolve family conflicts. Hopefully we can put ourselves in their shoes, and act accordingly.

Now see if you can find more solutions in the following verses:

• Genesis 31:4-5, 14-16

• Genesis 32:9-11

• Genesis 33:1-11

What do you see happening in 31:4-5 and 14-16?

In these verses you see all three of them, Jacob, Rachel and Leah working through a family challenge together. And both Rachel and Leah respond and contribute to coming up with a solution. What we may be witnessing here is an early family council taking place. Families can overcome problems as they seek to council with each other and work together to find solutions. I love that all three of them are included in this big family decision of what to do about Laban’s displeasure with Jacob.

And in Genesis 32:9-11?

Jacob includes somebody else in this decision. Prayer is a solution to family problems. As the family decides to return to Jacob’s homeland in Canaan, he stops to pray at Bethel once again. That special place he encountered when he left. And I like the word that is used to describe the nature of that prayer in verse 24. He wrestled with God. This isn’t a physical struggle although it says in the next verses that his thigh goes out of joint. So, that must have been some prayer. But he really prays with great fervor and earnestness. When it comes to our family problems, if we turn to God and wrestle with those issues with great diligence and fervor, God can step in and help us with those things.

And he does. He does answer Jacob’s prayer and he helps him. I think that truth is also reflected in what God does for the sisters in their struggles. Remember 29:31 31 And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. I think the Lord understands Leah’s struggle, and so he gives her this compensatory grace to help her. I think that that suggests that she has been praying for help in her situation. And the Lord answers her prayers. Now, I don’t think he’s solving the Jacob’s love issue for her. I don’t think Jacob is ever going to feel about Leah the way he felt about Rachel. But, he’s going to do something for her that will help—that will be a blessing in her life. And I’m not ready to say that God causes Rachel’s barrenness at this point. I just think that’s a challenge she happens to face that many women face in life.

But later, in Genesis 30:22, “And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.”

So Rachel has been praying too! And God remembers and hears her, and she is blessed. God offers her a compensatory grace as well. She’s never going to have as many children as Leah does. But she does have children.

I believe that in many problems couples face, God can step in and bless and help. He may not solve every problem that we wish him to, but He helps. He remembers. He hears. He can do things for us that will ease the pain and hardship.

THE BIG SOLUTION

There is one more solution that I wish to discuss today. And to me, it’s probably the biggest, most important solution to family problems. Let’s talk about Esau again. I told you last week that his story wasn’t over. He still has a very significant lesson to teach us. I know we kind of hold him up as an example of what not to do. Don’t sell your birthright for pottage. Right? But, there’s a lot more to this man than you might think. The story of Jacob and Esau is also one of a sibling rivalry. Is that problem ever going to be solved? How were things left between the two brothers the last we heard of Esau? Go back to Genesis 27:41

41 And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.

42 And these words of Esau her elder son were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother Esau, as touching thee, doth comfort himself, purposing to kill thee.

43 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran;

You better get out of town Jacob. Esau is planning to kill you. Run. And so he does.

So Jacob leaves, and, instead of being gone for a few days, is gone for more like twenty years as he gets caught up in serving fourteen for Rachel and then getting married and starting a family. All these events we’ve been talking about.

But eventually in chapter 31, after he’s had twelve children, 11 sons and 1 daughter, God has an instruction for him.

3 And the Lord said unto Jacob, Return unto the land of thy fathers, and to thy kindred; and I will be with thee.

Now that is a bit concerning to Jacob. He knows he’s been blessed with both the birthright and the blessing, but Esau is still there. The last time he saw his brother, he wanted to kill him. And for Jacob to return is more than just a homecoming. The very act of coming back would send the message to Esau that he was coming to inherit his birthright and blessing. “So Esau, it’s time for you to leave. This is my inheritance.” That’s the message of Jacob’s return. So Jacob has a lot of reason to be worried. And you see that anxiety as he travels. That’s when he prays and wrestles with God. That’s why he’s praying so hard. He’s worried that Esau will attack and kill him and his family.

So when he’s close to the land, he asks some of his servants to go and tell Esau that he’s coming. You know, test the waters a bit. And those servants come back with a very troubling scenario: Genesis 32:6-7

6 And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, We came to thy brother Esau, and also he cometh to meet thee, and four hundred men with him.

Uh oh. That can’t be good. Esau is coming with 400 men? He must still be angry. He’s going to come and attack me.

7 Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed

And so he prays.

Now what’s going to happen? Will God preserve him from the apparent anger of Esau? Chapter 33 depicts a very dramatic moment in scripture. Can you picture it? Here comes Jacob with all his family. We learn in Genesis 32:13-18 that Jacob sends a large gift of cattle and camels, and sheep in front of him, hoping to appease his brother. But let’s read this moment. And as a teacher, go slowly, really build this up. Is there going to be a fight? Is Jacob going to have to battle with his brother, will God have to swoop in and protect him in a miraculous way? Let’s see.

And Jacob lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he divided the children unto Leah, and unto Rachel, and unto the two handmaids.

2 And he put the handmaids and their children foremost, and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and Joseph hindermost.

3 And he passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.

Oh what’s going to happen?

4 And Esau ran to meet him, and . . .

embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.

If you’ve never heard this story before, that’s probably not what you were expecting, was it? It’s one of the most beautiful scenes of reconciliation and forgiveness in the whole Bible.

In fact, the language mirrors the language that Jesus is going to use in the parable of the prodigal son when his father runs to meet him and falls on his neck and kisses him. Esau has forgiven him. He’s kind of like the prodigal son. He’s changed. He’s not angry with Jacob. He’s overjoyed to see him. I love Esau for this, because from his perspective, I can kind of understand him being angry with Jacob. But he’s willing to let bygones be bygones. He recognizes what’s most important. Family—and his relationship with his brother. Can you see those brothers out there on the plains, hugging each other and weeping? It’s a wonderful, hope-infused scene.

And it gets better. After Jacob introduces Esau to his family, to Uncle Esau, Esau asks:

8 And he said, What meanest thou by all this drove which I met? (You know all the cattle and everything)

And he said, These are to find grace in the sight of my lord.

9 And Esau said, I have enough, my brother; keep that thou hast unto thyself. (Oh, you don’t need to do that. I’m good, I’m just happy to see you again)

10 And Jacob said, Nay, I pray thee, if now I have found grace in thy sight, then receive my present at my hand: for therefore I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God, and thou wast pleased with me.

(I, I didn’t think it would turn out like this. This is too good to be true)

11 Take, I pray thee, my blessing that is brought to thee; because God hath dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough. And he urged him, and he took it.

(Oh all right Jacob. If you insist)

I love that description. Seeing the face of forgiveness in a family member is like seeing the face of God himself. Why? Because forgiveness is not only beautiful, it’s divine. Mercy is a godly trait.

And then later in Genesis 35:29, Isaac dies, and both boys bury their father together.

And then Esau leaves the land to Jacob. Genesis 36:6

6 And Esau took his wives, and his sons, and his daughters, and all the persons of his house, and his cattle, and all his beasts, and all his substance, which he had got in the land of Canaan; and went into the country from the face of his brother Jacob.

He doesn’t fight him for it. He doesn’t continue to accuse Jacob of stealing his birthright and blessing. He accepts Jacob as the inheritor and has the humility to recognize that Jacob didn’t really steal his blessing, but that he earned it.

I love Esau. He’s one of my favorite characters in all of Genesis. He teaches us the power of forgiveness. Personally, despite the foibles of his youth, I believe there’s a place in the Celestial Kingdom for Esau. I do. This scene of forgiveness, I feel, is as equally as powerful as another forgiveness story we’re going to see later in Genesis with Joseph and his brothers. Apparently, this is a principle that God really wanted to emphasize in his first book of scripture. That message and truth:

TRUTH

Always forgive others, especially members of your own family.

LIKEN THE SCRIPTURES

Which do you find harder to do—to extend or to accept an apology?

What have you found helpful in healing strained family relationships?

Do any of your family relationships need reconciliation?

How could you follow the example of Esau?

And, we could add this solution to our other family solutions and ask:

Have one of these solutions ever blessed you and your family?

Would you be willing to share your experience?

CONCLUSION

Whatever your family circumstance is or the challenges you face, hopefully the book of Genesis can offer help. Perhaps Genesis can dispel the myth that families within the church are perfect. I don’t believe anybody has a perfect family or marriage. We all will have difficulties and hardships to overcome in our family relationships. But God does not leave us to face these things alone. That’s the advantage the faithful have in these situations. There are a lot of things we can do that will help us to overcome them. When they come, I hope we can remember to turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer and seek his compensatory graces. We can council together. We can be honest with each other. We can seek to empathize rather than compete. And, as Esau so powerfully taught us, we can seek to forgive. Perhaps, the next time we find ourselves on the receiving end of deceit, offense, or betrayal and the offending party reaches out to us in apologetic contrition, that we will remember Esau and seek healing and reconciliation.